Monday, August 21, 2006


Warmth

I had sixteen years to find out what's in my head.I still don't know.

What was your earliest memory?I wonder if anyone,some savant or another,can remember the time when they were in the womb.I wonder what it was like.Warm.I guess if you see it another way, it is the only time in your life that love is actually 'around' you.When you are, for lack of better word, immersed in it.But don't you think it would be quite scary to gain consciouness within the womb?Yes,you feel safe, but you would also want out.I wonder if that's how animals go about it.Like horses,that can walk only a couple of hours after they are born.Well, i don't want to go too deep into the topic of Birth.There's too much to say.I'll leave it for another time.

What was my earliest memory?I remember my kindergarten.How there was this kid that kept sneezing on his jacket. I thought my friend,Reuben,i think his name,which feet which shoes go on.What about further back?I remember,nursery.With Sam.In Yishun.I remember how i aced my chinese test.I drew an apple next to my answer for some reason.I have got it, my earliest memory.A toilet.pink walls,mom laid me next to the sink.White tiles or something.Pink tabletop.Mom was changing my diapers.My earliest memory.Perhaps,the very moment that i attained the gift of conscious thought.Lest it's curse.Maybe it was better back then,still clean, not perverted by mankind.Yet.Childhood is such a gift.When i have my kid, he/she's gonna have the best darn one.Before,the world can touch them.

I suddenly don't see the need for speech anymore.Words,in writing is better.They give you that momentary pause, that feeling where all thoughts are exploding in your head,yet you still carry on, writing.If you're speaking, you have to think on your feet.Thinking is a process that cannot be rushed.Or.Thinking is a process,therefore it cannot be rushed.All people want to do is rush.I have learnt my lesson.To enjoy every moment as it is lived.Through.For that moment is that alone.Gone.Yet there.I finally see the whole point of relationships.Why rush.Feel every moment.


"Feel every moment.Feel the warmth."-Me

alone at 6:07 AM

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