Thursday, January 26, 2006
Self presevation,Is what's really going on...
It has come to my attention that certain of my friends are behaving like carpets and letting others walk all over them,namely,my other friends.Sure,you let Girls walk over you man..Not anyone else...Sheesh.In this day and age,Wit is your only weapon against being chewed up and spat out by the many smartasses and jerkswinebags around.Therefore,it is with great pride that i bring you:My official idiot's guide(declassified and unabridged) to Hurling your very own insult!
Lesson 1) Standing up.
You let me undermine you by calling you an idiot?!What kind of moron are you?You're not going to take that lying down!Be assertive!Stand up for yourself you weenie!You have every right to insult back,whichever ass wipe is insulting you!You have rights too.Well,more than certain domestic animals anyway.
In a goddam nutshell:It's time you learned that you are a person too.Be assertive(i.e. Agressive.i.e.mean).
Lesson 2) Recognizing word play.
Wit,sarcasm,Subtlty.These are the literary devices skilled insulters use.Recognize it.Know what they are.
Wit-Usually whip lash fast.Smart.A retort.A pointing out of a key feature that may not be insulting.That is where the power of wit lies.Making it an insult without much seeming like one.Wit however,might not be taken into account as an insult.Theorists and critics are still argueing this one out.Gravediggers normally use this as a form of humour to the audience.
Countering wit-Now,you're safe it only the two of you are duking it out.Wit is used to generate laughs among those there.If there are more people there,wit can only be combated with wit itself. But remember,the knife takes time to sharpen.You'll get the hang of it.
Sarcasm-Much favoured by those with mediocre to high intelligence.It can go horribly wrong and sound really stupid if not 'delivered'(delivery will be covered later) properly.Sarcasm,the pointing out of flaws and highlighting of a person's stupidity.Generally makes the insulted fell as smart as a piece of corodded iron.It's all in the delivery.
Countering sarcasm-RECOGNIZE IT.Know how it caresses the mind and injects its poison.From there,a knowing look is enough.The sarcasm has been broken through.
Subtelty-Cruel.Being insulted without knowing it.
Countering subtlty-Be strong with your language.Body and words must be read through.There is no direct wall against this opposition.So,USE IT.
Lesson 3)Dodging
An insult is thrown at you.Dodge it.This is entirely using body language.A blur look will only entice the use of more advanced wordplay.Shoot back with a look of defiance.
Lesson 4)Rolling
Roll the insult you've just received over on your tongue and mind.Explore it's many facets and find it's gaping hole.There always is one.We are human.Think.
Lesson 5)Retort
Think of something relating to the insult.And let'er rip!Use the devices.Soon,you'll have your very own style of insulting.Remember,Going the high road is only for people who aren't worth your time.For everyone else,there's mastercard.And protecting yourself from verbal abuse you don't have to take.
Lesson 6)Delivery
With your insults it is best to include a snide edge to your voice.Poison and venom come in handy too.Use in moderation.And if it don't kill you.it makes you stronger.
Lesson 7) Continue
Get the upper hand.And start a barrage.Adjust your ruthlessness to your disposal.
Well,that's it.Now you have been imbued with the power to insult.Get up carpet head.It's time to face the world!
: 10:18 PM
